Wednesday Check-In

So…I took yesterday off from work and have therefore screwed up the inside of my brain and I forgot that today was Wednesday until I got to work. Which means I didn’t weigh-in. I’ll hopefully do that tomorrow morning. Ugh.

In the meantime, I just have to say how unhappy I am with the new Weight Watchers website design. The app hasn’t changed, thank goodness, but it doesn’t communicate well with the website.

I build a lot of my own recipes, but now you can’t do that via the website. And if you’ve created a recipe via the app since the website redesign, it won’t show up on the website at all. Like so:

Weight Watchers Tracker

I created a recipe via the app this past weekend when I made my crockpot chili. I brought some leftovers for lunch today and tried to add it, but couldn’t find it via the website. So I went into the app and added it that way. Then I went back into the website and while the PointsPlus values left number is correct, it doesn’t show my chili on the list.

I really hope they change this. I don’t do a whole lot via the website, but I do use it while I’m at work.

Boo, Weight Watchers. Boo!


In other news, I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I am still trying to crawl out of this hole I seem to have slipped into. I am getting better every day. I need to get my head out of my ass, really. Every time something happens food-wise, I keep thinking, “Just this once…it’s special!” But honestly, everything is special, right? I need to change the way I think about things. I need to realize that this isn’t just a temporary thing. This is me. For life. Always. For the rest of my days, I will have to be aware of every morsel that is around me, and every ounce that I put in my mouth. I’m only six months into this change, and I cannot afford to have this mindset of resentment. I need to let it go and deal with it and get off my high horse.

I am sick to death of being fat. I don’t like the feeling of overeating. Greasy foods taste greasy. Chocolate pie is filled with lactose, and it will make me miserable. I feel better when I eat healthily. I feel better about myself when I’m heading in the right direction.

Seriously, why is this so hard?

Weekend Update with Tanjalin

Before I say anything else, I have to let the world know that I am an aunt again! My baby sister (28…such a baby!) gave birth to my gorgeous niece, Lydia Wednesday, whom I refer to as Cheesecake, on Saturday evening. My sister, unfortunately, lives in California, and I live in Iowa. But we were able to Skype last night and I got to hear Lydia cry and she’s just so beautiful! Here’s proof:

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Ugh! I cannot get over how utterly gorgeous this baby is! I wish I could hold her. I’m so excited to have her in our lives.

In other news, my eating is slowly getting better. I really don’t realize why I keep having problems. I just need to buckle down. Because of that cute baby up there, I’m going to focus on the positives:

  • I went out to a fish place for my father-in-law’s birthday. Everything there is battered and fried. Instead of getting the two-piece carp dinner (pictured here:)
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    with coleslaw and potato wedges, I got one piece of carp (which turned out to be perfectly cooked…no greasy taste, light breading and ultra-tender fish) and split an order of fries with my two youngest kids. I did eat some coleslaw, but it was in a dinky cup. And I drank water!
  • On Sunday, I made crockpot chili. I got the seasoning packets at the store, then added 1 pound of lean ground beef and 1 pound of lean ground turkey, one onion, two cans of diced tomatoes, one can each of light and dark kidney beans and (after this picture was taken) some frozen corn. It turned out to be 5 Weight Watchers points per fairly hefty bowl, and it was DELICIOUS.
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Here are things I want to work on this week, because I do best when I write out my goals:

  1. Drink my water! Seriously, why has this become so hard?
  2. No fried foods. Zero.
  3. Log my food points. The weekends somehow make it so easy to just think, “Oh, I know how many points I’ve consumed today…I’m good.” And then you realize after dinner that you ate some pretzels earlier in the day that make it so you’re not actually good.
  4. Start reading, “How to Have Your Cake and Your Skinny Jeans Too” because it’s only been on my Kindle for about a year now.
  5. Come up with more goals by next Monday.

Weigh-In Wednesday – Getting It Done and Moving Forward

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Began 5.30.15
Start weight: 305
Goal weight: 175

Last week: 273.8
This week: 276.4
Difference: +2.6 lbs.

Total loss: -28.6 lbs.
Amount to goal: 101.4 lbs.

Overview: I totally deserved this gain. I didn’t log all of my food. I was voraciously hungry after being sick for a week. I didn’t go completely crazy, but I didn’t do what I should have done. I have been barely holding on to the lifeline of Weight Watchers for the past bit, but I really feel like I have found my focus again. I spent a good deal of time on Pinterest yesterday, looking at new recipes and before and after pictures. I know it sounds funny, but I feel like the switch has flipped up again and I’m ON. I am ready to take on the world again.

And to prove it, I wore a dress to work today that I haven’t been able to wear in YEARS. I wanted to remind myself of how far I’ve come and what a good job I’ve done.

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Do you see that?? My boobs stick out further than my stomach! That’s something to celebrate! And the sweater I’m wearing was one I didn’t wear often because the sleeves were so tight on my arms and it really just didn’t fit right. And now it’s perfect! I could even button it if I wanted to!

So…while I’ve slipped a little, it’s nothing compared to the leaps ahead I’ve made from where I used to be. Every day that I don’t give up is a victory. Every day that I make some sort of forward movement is something to cheer about.

Also, I just got an email listing four 5-week exercise classes being offered for free! Each class is once a week for an hour, which I think is perfect for someone just starting out. I’ve decided to pick two. Here are my options:

  • TurboKick
  • Yoga
  • Insanity – which doesn’t sound as bad as I thought it would. It’s all about going at your own pace while pushing yourself.
  • Vinyasa Flow

I’m so excited!

Weigh-In Wednesday – Facing the Truth

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Fact: I haven’t posted a weigh-in since two weeks ago, but I DID weigh in.

Fact: It hasn’t been pretty for the past two weeks.

Fact: Having written out those goals the other day REALLY helped.

Fact: I am so greatly and outrageously and immensely looking forward to a random mid-week day off tomorrow!

I’m going to get the stupid weigh-in over with. Because next week, it won’t matter.

Began 5.30.15
Start weight: 305
Goal weight: 175

Two weeks ago: 271.4
This week: 275.4
Difference: +4 lbs.
Total loss: -29.6 lbs.
Amount to goal: 100.4 lbs.

So basically, my whole last month was a wash. I lost 2 pounds, lost two pounds, gained two pounds and gained two pounds. That’s frustrating.

But I really REALLY need to understand that I did not get into this position overnight, and it’s not going to get fixed overnight. I did not learn these bad habits, and my anxiety disorder didn’t manifest overnight. My stress levels didn’t just go from zero to 5 million overnight.

In fact, I’m 40 years old, and I think the last time I was even remotely near a normal weight was when I was a freshman in high school. I weighed 180 pounds. It was about that time my mother put me on the Weight Watchers plan the first time. I don’t remember why it didn’t work. I do remember going to the meetings and feeling so amazing. I remember being approached by the team leader and learning that they would love me to be a team leader when I reached my goal weight. I do not remember this time of my life lasting very long. I cannot recall counting a single point. I don’t know why I stopped the plan, or why it didn’t work for me. I can imagine that what happened was that I started feeling good about myself, and my mother likely didn’t like that idea. There was probably some money emergency that came up that kept me from going. The excuses could have been anything. I wish I knew why I stopped going.

The next time I used Weight Watchers was on my own in 2000. I had a website somewhere that listed the points values for things, and I kept track of it all myself. I wound up getting down to 260 pounds by 2003. Then I met my now-husband and gained weight again. Then I got back on Weight Watchers in 2009 and I was losing quite a bit of weight. That was also the year my mother and I stopped speaking, and by the time I got pregnant with my daughter in 2010, I was back off the plan and the weight crept back up.

I would call myself a yo-yo dieter, but I never really get down low enough in weight to be the low yo part. I just go down a bit and then right back up.

The cycle is now broken. I refuse to give up.

Every day that I stay on plan is another day closer to when I will be at a healthy weight. I WILL know what that feels like. It WILL happen.

God, I want it to happen.

So…moving forward. That’s what I do.

Today’s lunch was rather simple because I had the “nothing fried” rule to follow. So I wound up eating a huge salad and some fresh fruit. It was 7 points for the meal.

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I didn’t intend to only consume 7 points worth of food. There really wasn’t anything else to eat down there. What you see: lettuce, ranch, radishes, pepperoncini, red peppers and chicken. It was delicious, but I wound up having to eat a Clif bar this afternoon because I was rearranging clothes on the sales floor and started getting light headed.

I plan to have a yummy dinner, and tomorrow I intend to take myself out for breakfast.

It’s about time to head home and make some food. I hope your Wednesday is going well.

Weekly Challenge to Get Back on Track

My weigh-in day, as you know if you follow my blog, is Wednesday. I am fully prepared for a gain this week, which does not mean that I have given myself permission to go crazy until Wednesday. I am back on plan and intend to stay that way. I have a few small changes I intend to stick to for the next week to get my brain back where it needs to be.

I think one thing I am struggling with is lunch. It used to be easy, because if I went to the cafeteria and only got a salad, it was $3.25. They changed that a few months back and now, no matter if you get the whole buffet or just the salad bar, it’s $5.25. So my messed up brain wiring started creeping in with thoughts that if I was going to pay that much, I needed to take more food. So not right.

What I really need to do is get my shit together and bring my lunch. It’s pure laziness that keeps me from doing that. So I plan to head to Pinterest and find some fun things to make. I’m also going to start Instagramming all of my meals. There’s a link to my Instagram page on the right-hand side of my blog if you’d like to follow along!

So, here are my goals for the next week, through next Wednesday:

  1. Log every morsel I put on my face. Before I eat it. Another purely lazy habit.
  2. Drink more water. I was really good about this, then I slacked. My skin reminds me daily that it misses hydration.
  3. No snacking (unless it’s fruit or veg) and nothing fried. At this point, it should be a no-brainer. Again with my mantra of, “Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.”
  4. Blog every other day.
  5. Think one nice thought about myself every day. I am so very good at self-depreciation, and I need to knock that shit off.

I continue to be very stressed at work. And at home. And on the drive to and from those locations. By next week, I intend to add in exercise and meditation.

Okay. They say you’re more apt to stick to goals that have been written down. Consider it done.

Small Update

I have had one helluva weekend, and I must be truthful and say that food was not my #1 priority. Thankfully, it has become second nature to eat healthy. I don’t think I’ve fallen far from the wagon, and I fully intend to hop right back on.

Saturday, I was heading in to work, driving my father-in-law’s pickup because I thought it would be easier to load with things to haul to the football game I was selling merchandise at for the college store for which I work. About three miles from home, I was going 55 mph down the highway and the left front tire flew off. Yes. The tire. Without thinking, I pulled over to the side of the road somehow while I watched the tire bullet down the opposite side of the road while two cars went by, then it crossed the road and kept going another 1/4 mile before coming to a rest in a cornfield.

No one who lived nearby was home, so I started walking. My mother-in-law picked me up after I had a mile and a half hike down the highway. That’s when it hit me that the truck really should have flipped and I should have been badly hurt. 

I got to work 30 minutes late, then worked the windiest football game in history. The tent blew over. The clothes blew off the tables. The sun beat down on us and I wound up with a sunburn in October.

I was really glad to go to bed that night. Still no idea how I made it that far in the day.

Today was my father’s birthday party, and we had a great time. I saw relatives I don’t get to see often enough. I felt pretty.

Here’s my outfit:

 
Then we started driving home, and the car overheated. We got stuck in the city for a few hours longer than we had anticipated. I’m so ducking sick of cars at this point.

When we finally got home, I found a photo from the party on Facebook. I have cropped out the other people.

 

And then the downward spiral began. I’ve lost 30 pounds. I have worked so hard to lost that weight. No one mentions that they can tell I’ve lost weight, and this picture shows me why. I don’t look like I’ve lost weight.

Yes, I still have 97 pounds to lose. I know that. Realistically, I know that my battle has just begun.

But dammit, I just want to look normal. I want to stop crying every time I see a picture of myself not taken by me.

To try and turn this weekend around, I’m going to list some of the things I’ve done right:

  • I went to a pizza party and ate one small slice of cheeseless pizza, as well as a strawberry/chicken/pecan salad that was heavenly.
  • I ate ice cream last night from a single-serving container. And it fit into my daily points. It was also heavenly. 

  • I got in a mile and a half walk!
  • I did not buy all of the dark chocolate in the store on Saturday night while grocery shopping.
  • I made teriyaki chicken breasts on Saturday night instead of eating the hindquarters the rest of the family ate.
  • I dyed my hair tonight. Next to plucking my eyebrows, little else makes me feel better about myself.

Okay. I think that’s good. I’m feeling better.

I think what really upsets me about that Facebook picture is that when I look at it, I see my mother. Nothing on earth terrifies me more than being like her. I want to lose weight so I don’t look like her. I want it so much that it’s almost all-consuming. So when I have worked this hard and have lost weight and still look like her, it’s a crushing blow.

But instead of letting it fester inside my brain, I have written it down so I can let it go and move forward.

Tomorrow is another day. Another day forward, further away from the old me. One day closer to my goal.

I refuse to give up.  

Weigh-In Wednesday – The “I’m Not Dead” Edition!

Let me start this post by saying that I’m sorry for having abandoned my blog for the past two weeks. Right before my last post, I lost my refill of my anti-anxiety medication, and I wound up going one week without it before it FINALLY was found. I will sum up the past two weeks as just saying that it wasn’t good. It was really not good. I stopped my 30 day challenges. I slowly fell apart until I was able to get back on my medication and piece myself back together.

I am happy to say that in that time, I did not waiver from my Weight Watchers plan. I kind of held on to it like a lifeline.

I feel a lot better now. And I will be back to blogging regularly. I really don’t know how else to express what I was going through.

I must also give many thanks to my sister, K, and my best friend, T, who never stopped checking in with me and gently (T) or not so gently (K) pushing me to return to my blog. In fact, when I got home yesterday, there was a package waiting for me – my sister sent me an aerobic step! I hear there may be more things coming. I can’t wait!

So…without further adieu…my weigh-in:

wednesday

Began 5.30.15
Start weight: 305
Goal weight: 175

Two weeks ago: 279
This week: 271.4
Difference: -7.6 lbs.
Total loss: -33.6 lbs.
Amount to goal: 96.4 lbs.

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I EARNED ANOTHER BEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will update more about the things that have happened in the past two weeks in another post. I want to keep that one very positive, so I’m not going to attach it to this one. It’s going to be all about motivation and where we get it and if it matters.

Talk to you soon!

Weigh-In Wednesday

wednesday

Began 5.30.15
Start weight: 305
Goal weight: 175

Last week: 281.6
This week: 279
Difference: +1 lbs.
Total loss: -26 lbs.
Amount to goal: 104 lbs.

So…I gained a pound this week. And I’ve decided to listen to my Weight Watchers app:

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I seem to have hit a bit of a plateau. I keep losing and gaining the same two pounds. I have been faithful to my challenges and I’ve stayed on plan. Actually, there were two days this past week that I ate too few points for the day…I’ve been trying my hardest to keep on top of my water. I hate it when women use this as an excuse, but my monthly womanly friend showed up the day before yesterday, so it could be linked to that.

Either way, I’m researching plateaus and how to bust through them. I’m tired of waiting for my next bead!

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Two Cents Tuesday – Hydration Edition

Today is the first day in my new blog series that will happen every Tuesday. That’s a good day to do it since it’s called “Two Cents Tuesday”! Oh, I’m so funny, right? Do you have a topic or question you’d like me to research? Want to know what bounces around in my noggin? You can email me at tanj@aspoundsgobye.com and I’d be happy to help!

tuesday

I decided to do this because I have found that the best way to help myself is to help others. This blog has kept me more motivated than I can tell you in words. But I’ll keep trying to explain it because otherwise, why keep blogging?

Anyway, I work best at helping myself when I’m helping others. I love learning about new things so I can spread the knowledge around. I especially love cooking when I know I’ll be able to share my recipes with other people. One of my friends has recently found herself on a new path in life, and she’s decided she wants to learn to cook a wider variety of foods, so I created a board just for her on my Pinterest page so we can experiment together!

As I was explaining this facet of myself to my absolute best friend in the whole wide world, she came up with the idea for Two Cents Tuesdays. Because she did, she gets to ask the first question:

“I am near-critically dehydrated at all times, and I resist changing that pattern because frankly, I hate peeing. And sweating. And salivating. How can I get the benefits of hydration without the inconvenience?”

Continue reading “Two Cents Tuesday – Hydration Edition”

30 Day Ab & Arm Challenge – Day 7

  
DONE! I was rather quiet this weekend because we were so busy, but I have been keeping up on my challenge! Today was day seven, and the stinkin’ line-up added something new. Holy COW I can feel the burn. Yowza! But it makes me so happy when I’ve completed each day. Yay me! I also can’t wait until the day it gets easier. My poor legs…

I did manage to go for a long walk with my kids. I live in a small town, and they had a block party fundraiser for the 4th of July party we have. The kids and I walked down to the party. On the way, I showed my son the fun of playing with perspective in phototography:

 
And then I wound up walking back home by myself to get the car because we got so much stuff. But I managed to look fabulous the whole time:

 
We had a blast! And even managed to get in some snuggles:

 
I got in another walk on Sunday while my daughter and I were waiting for our clothes to dry at the laundromat:

 So, quite the active weekend! Hope you had a good one, too!