Wednesday Check-In

So…I took yesterday off from work and have therefore screwed up the inside of my brain and I forgot that today was Wednesday until I got to work. Which means I didn’t weigh-in. I’ll hopefully do that tomorrow morning. Ugh.

In the meantime, I just have to say how unhappy I am with the new Weight Watchers website design. The app hasn’t changed, thank goodness, but it doesn’t communicate well with the website.

I build a lot of my own recipes, but now you can’t do that via the website. And if you’ve created a recipe via the app since the website redesign, it won’t show up on the website at all. Like so:

Weight Watchers Tracker

I created a recipe via the app this past weekend when I made my crockpot chili. I brought some leftovers for lunch today and tried to add it, but couldn’t find it via the website. So I went into the app and added it that way. Then I went back into the website and while the PointsPlus values left number is correct, it doesn’t show my chili on the list.

I really hope they change this. I don’t do a whole lot via the website, but I do use it while I’m at work.

Boo, Weight Watchers. Boo!

In other news, I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I am still trying to crawl out of this hole I seem to have slipped into. I am getting better every day. I need to get my head out of my ass, really. Every time something happens food-wise, I keep thinking, “Just this once…it’s special!” But honestly, everything is special, right? I need to change the way I think about things. I need to realize that this isn’t just a temporary thing. This is me. For life. Always. For the rest of my days, I will have to be aware of every morsel that is around me, and every ounce that I put in my mouth. I’m only six months into this change, and I cannot afford to have this mindset of resentment. I need to let it go and deal with it and get off my high horse.

I am sick to death of being fat. I don’t like the feeling of overeating. Greasy foods taste greasy. Chocolate pie is filled with lactose, and it will make me miserable. I feel better when I eat healthily. I feel better about myself when I’m heading in the right direction.

Seriously, why is this so hard?

Holy Crap, I’m Self-Sabotaging!

The last three weeks have been a blur. Life has been beating me down, and I’ve been giving in to it. Today, I was smacked with the realization that I am subconsciously self-sabotaging! 

How dare you, self!

Seriously! I have worked so hard to lose the 30-some pounds that I have lost. Why the fuck would I throw that away because life is a struggle?

Did it make me feel good when I over-ate last night? No! I went to bed feeling miserable.

Did I feel some sort of victory when I opened that bag of mixed nuts and ate it without figuring out what a portion size was? No! 

Was that little bag of peanut M&M’s worth the questioning looks from co-workers who know I’m on Weight Watchers, but are afraid to call me out on my mistakes? No!

Do you know what is worth it? 

  • When someone I haven’t seen in a while tells me my pants are way too big on me and I need to think about getting new ones.
  • When my fall jacket zips OVER my hips!
  • Every single fucking time I zip up my tall boots.
  • Not having to douse myself in moisturizer because my skin isn’t parched from dehydration.
  • Having little-to-no problems with lactose-based products.
  • Not having heartburn daily anymore.
  • Putting on my matte red lipstick and getting noticed instead of hiding from the world.
  • Knowing that I could eat whatever that person just asked if I wanted, but deciding that it’s just not worth the points it would use up.
  • Not having my knee pop out of socket anymore.
  • Rethinking my winter wardrobe because all of the shirts are too baggy.
  • Craving water instead of soda.
  • Searching Pinterest for new, healthy recipes to try.
  • Blogging! For fuck’s sake, I just need to keep blogging. I have shit to work through, and holding that inside my head isn’t going to make it go away.

Bedtime is now. Tomorrow is a new day. And I’m ready to tackle it.