Huzzah! I have reached second-bead status! For those who don’t know, I made myself a weight-loss bracelet. Because I have (had!) 130 pounds to lose and that made my skin go icy just thinking about it. So I decided to break it down into more bite-sized pieces (pun SO intended). Each time I lose 10 pounds, I get another bead on my bracelet. And each time I get a bead, I go to the store to buy it all special-like. I now have 2 beads:
I have been so busy, I’ve put off blogging! And I don’t like it! I even missed a two Weigh-In Wednesday posts, but I didn’t miss my actual weigh-in. The first one, I gained a few. The second one (two days ago), I lost those and a few more. I figured out that I actually wasn’t eating enough. Yes, you read that right. The week that I gained, I had a few days where I still had 15+ points left over. The next week, I made sure to get them all taken care of. Plus, that second week I got hit by the most horrible summer cold I’ve had in years. I was down for three days, unable to do more than shove Kleenex up my nose, cower on the couch, and binge-watch “Supernatural”. I’m feeling better, thank goodness, and I’m ready to keep moving forward!
I am also now less than 2 pounds away from getting my next Weight Loss Bracelet bead! And I don’t have one yet! I need to take care of that.
There are a lot of things going on right now. Work is crazy. My life is nuts. Changes could be on the horizon.
And I’m out of grits.
Another thing to add to the to-do list.
I’ll hopefully write more this weekend. I’m planning to set up a posting schedule. Mondays will be to cover my favorite recipe/food item that I’ve tried in the past week. Wednesdays will be for weigh-in and a synopsis of how my week went. Fridays will be for things I’m looking forward to when I lose weight. Since it’s Friday, I’ll leave you with this. I want to wear this outfit. This is the look I want. Girly, flouncy and feminine, but with combat boots.
I have more motivational things and recipes pinned on my Pinterest page. You can find that here:
When I started my weight loss journey, just one month ago, I saw the number that represented the difference between what I weigh now and what I want to weigh. It was a larger number than I could swallow. So I decided that I would break it up into 10 pound chunks. 13 is a way more attainable number than 130, right?
I bought myself a nifty black leather bracelet and decided that every ten pounds gone would earn me a bead on my bracelet, so I could SEE right there on my wrist that I’m doing this. It’s doable. Keep going.
As of this morning, I have lost 11.6 pounds in my first month. And I am damn proud of myself.
I just got back from a week-long vacation, and it’s been FOREVER since I’ve had a vacation. We left Iowa last Monday night and drove up to Detroit to spend a few hours with friends, then we drove on up to the Niagara Falls region on Ontario, Canada. We spent three days there, visiting my oldest son and other family and friends. Then we came on back through Indiana, where we spent the night with even MORE friends!
There were a variety of reasons why I didn’t track my food while I was gone, but they aren’t worth rehashing. I did go into the whole process with the intention of being mindful of what I was eating, eating slowly, and stopping when I was full. I think I did a pretty good job, except for the one night I went a bit bonkers and drank two bottles of wine…but we won’t discuss that 😉
Let’s all just take a moment to acknowledge the beauty that is this boot.
I have always loved boots. I’m that odd girl who wears long, flow-y, hippy skirts with black combat boots. I have always been that girl, and I likely always will be.
I’m also the girl who YEARNS to wear tall boots with short skirts. I want to slip my foot into this boot and zip it up all the way to the top. And I don’t want to buy a “wide calf” boot. I don’t want my leg to look like a leather ice cream cone. I want it to be a straight line right up my leg with only a bit of knee showing between the top of the boot and the bottom of my skirt. I want so desperately to be THAT girl.
For that reason, I will keep on plan. I will stay focused on the long-range goal.
And on the day I am able to put on these boots and zip them all the way up, you will know. Because there will be way too much happiness for my body to contain.
Yesterday was quite a day. My car broke down and my husband brought the kids with him to pick me up. What was supposed to be a solitary trip to Goodwill turned into a family affair. Which just about doubled what I would have originally spent.
My father-in-law had surgery also, to put a stint in his neck so he won’t have another stroke. He’s doing well, but he’s in the ICU. We spent the evening visiting him, and the hospital is about 45 minutes away from my home. So we got home late.
And we ate dinner at Taco Bell. Or should I just call it like it is:
Just because I have the points available to eat nachos at TB does NOT mean I should. I haven’t had fast food in almost a month. That’s not very long, but it was obviously long enough that my system wanted to reject that crap. I was MISERABLE. Ugh. No more.
This experience has also caused more worry about next week. We are going on a week-long trip to the Niagara Falls region of Canada to see my oldest son graduate. That’s one week away from my routines and the safety of my kitchen. One week of unknowns and chaos and all that FOOD.
I am strong. I can do this. I will have a week-long experiment to pretend I’m a normal person without food issues. I’ll portray the woman in the movie who is confident and has never had a weight problem. I’ll stop eating when I’m full, and I won’t eat unless I’m hungry. I will scoff at the idea of eating junk food. And I will count my points like it’s a lifesaver.
Happy Tuesday! I have really been enjoying blogging, but found that I wasn’t happy with a few of the things on the Blogger site, so I figured that if I was going to make a change, I should do it before I got too invested in that location. So I’ve switched to WordPress, where I had this blog a long time ago the LAST time I did this, and I kind of like having that history attached to this one.
It’s been a few days since I have written anything, so let me fill you in on what you’ve missed.
- My second-oldest child (17), left to spend his summer with his dad and brother (my oldest, who is 18) in Canada.
- I am still struggling to eat all of my points each day. It’s like I see the line in the sand, but I’m afraid that if I get near the line, I may just jump over it and start dancing a jig that involves shoving food in my face. However, I did allow myself to figure out the points for a meal at a Mexican restaurant, but then didn’t count the number of chips I ate. I know – CRAZY! I’m trying to teach myself that it’s okay to not eat everything that is in front of me…that there will always be food available when I’m hungry, so I don’t have to eat it all right this very minute. So I nibbled the chips, pretending I was a normal person without food issues. It seemed to work nicely. I’ll have to do that again sometime.
- My co-worker is my water buddy, and it’s glorious. When we first get to work, we go fill up our water bottles. It has to be empty by lunch time, when we fill them again. It’s been quite helpful to have someone involved in the process. We call it Water Club.
- I am still not tired of eating salad for lunch every day. Grape tomatoes are bae.
- My ankle is FINALLY starting to feel better! Which means I can start taking walks soon! YAY!
Okay…lunch time. More tomorrow.
I can’t stop watching “My 600 Pound Life” on TLC. It started, oddly, on the day I started Weight Watchers (which was also the day I fell down a few basement stairs and twisted my ankle and was confined to the bed for a bit with ice on said ankle). I had been browsing through the channels and came across the show, so I watched it.
And now I don’t know if I should be. I’m a pretty empathetic person. If I watch a movie or read a book, I tend to find a character I relate to and form a connection with them. After the entertainment is over, it sometimes takes a bit before I can shake that connection.
The same thing is happening with this show. And it’s not all positive. Sometimes, an episode leaves me bursting to continue on my journey, filled to the brim with hope and drive. I just KNOW I can do this and it’s going to be okay.
But sometimes, especially that first episode I watched while I was stuck in bed with my twisted ankle, I take on the negative. I watched as Charity walked so painfully because of the extra weight, and when I finally got out of bed to test my tender ankle, I felt like I was walking the same way. And my brain went a bit haywire, and in that moment, I *was* the 600 pound person. My body felt so much heavier and I wanted to cry. I was disgusted with myself.
Let me also say that this lasted maybe 10 minutes after the episode was over. I snapped back to reality and saw that while I am severely overweight, I am not even remotely close to 600 pounds. My weight does not make me waddle when I walk (but the stupid ankle does), and I am not dependent on others to take care of my basic needs.
I am SO lucky.
Without going into too much detail yet, my greatest fear in life is being like my mother. I look a lot like her, and when I see myself in the mirror, especially weighing as much as I do, I see her looking back. She does waddle when she walks (or at least she did the last time I saw her), so when I was waddling, my brain picked it up as another trait we had in common. It’s a paralyzing fear, and yet it has not kept me from staying at this weight for far too long. It was like I was trapped in that fear and punishing myself by staying the way I was so that I would have to see her.
Can I just tell you also how amazing Zoloft has been for me? I have struggled with anxiety and depression for most of my life. I remember having anxiety attacks in second grade, and nothing was ever done about it. They just thought I was too sensitive and weak. I finally broke down, thanks to the support of an amazing friend and co-worker, and saw a doctor in February of this year. My anxiety was just getting worse and worse, and I had an upcoming business trip that would require a plane ride that was causing me ALL kinds of angst. So I talked to a doctor, who is now MY doctor, and he just listened to me describe what I deal with on a regular basis. When I was done, he sat back, crossed his arms, smiled, and said, “Well, you have a definite anxiety disorder. But I can help you.”
Since then, I have been on Zoloft and also have a bottle of Xanax for emergencies (like that plane ride!). And it’s been life-changing. I am not overwhelmed by the fear anymore. It’s still there, but I can see it, and define it, and know that it doesn’t control me. But sometimes, my brain fritzes a bit, and I imagine I’m 600 pounds. I’m an oddity, I know. But that’s what makes me ME.
So now I’m going to go drink my morning water and look forward to not being afraid of what the future holds. Because that future is going to hold a lot less of me.
Since nothing has really changed since yesterday (still ate grits for breakfast…still ate salad for lunch…still drinking my water), I thought I’d go into a bit of a dream for when I reach my goal.
I am (essentially) half Czech and half Irish. I grew up with a very Czech older woman who was my babysitter and 2nd mother. I am very proud of my Czech heritage, and I’m drawn to the wooden plates that hang in the local Czech restaurant. Many of the plates feature flowers done in a very Czech style. My dream is to one day get an upper arm tattoo done in the style of these flowers with five large flowers predominantly displayed (because I have four kids and a husband, and also because 5 is my lucky, OCD number).
Before any of this happens, though, I would like my arm to be a straight line when it’s at my side, rather than an arm with a lump of fat at the elbow.