Weigh-In Wednesday – Facing the Truth

wednesday

Fact: I haven’t posted a weigh-in since two weeks ago, but I DID weigh in.

Fact: It hasn’t been pretty for the past two weeks.

Fact: Having written out those goals the other day REALLY helped.

Fact: I am so greatly and outrageously and immensely looking forward to a random mid-week day off tomorrow!

I’m going to get the stupid weigh-in over with. Because next week, it won’t matter.

Began 5.30.15
Start weight: 305
Goal weight: 175

Two weeks ago: 271.4
This week: 275.4
Difference: +4 lbs.
Total loss: -29.6 lbs.
Amount to goal: 100.4 lbs.

So basically, my whole last month was a wash. I lost 2 pounds, lost two pounds, gained two pounds and gained two pounds. That’s frustrating.

But I really REALLY need to understand that I did not get into this position overnight, and it’s not going to get fixed overnight. I did not learn these bad habits, and my anxiety disorder didn’t manifest overnight. My stress levels didn’t just go from zero to 5 million overnight.

In fact, I’m 40 years old, and I think the last time I was even remotely near a normal weight was when I was a freshman in high school. I weighed 180 pounds. It was about that time my mother put me on the Weight Watchers plan the first time. I don’t remember why it didn’t work. I do remember going to the meetings and feeling so amazing. I remember being approached by the team leader and learning that they would love me to be a team leader when I reached my goal weight. I do not remember this time of my life lasting very long. I cannot recall counting a single point. I don’t know why I stopped the plan, or why it didn’t work for me. I can imagine that what happened was that I started feeling good about myself, and my mother likely didn’t like that idea. There was probably some money emergency that came up that kept me from going. The excuses could have been anything. I wish I knew why I stopped going.

The next time I used Weight Watchers was on my own in 2000. I had a website somewhere that listed the points values for things, and I kept track of it all myself. I wound up getting down to 260 pounds by 2003. Then I met my now-husband and gained weight again. Then I got back on Weight Watchers in 2009 and I was losing quite a bit of weight. That was also the year my mother and I stopped speaking, and by the time I got pregnant with my daughter in 2010, I was back off the plan and the weight crept back up.

I would call myself a yo-yo dieter, but I never really get down low enough in weight to be the low yo part. I just go down a bit and then right back up.

The cycle is now broken. I refuse to give up.

Every day that I stay on plan is another day closer to when I will be at a healthy weight. I WILL know what that feels like. It WILL happen.

God, I want it to happen.

So…moving forward. That’s what I do.

Today’s lunch was rather simple because I had the “nothing fried” rule to follow. So I wound up eating a huge salad and some fresh fruit. It was 7 points for the meal.

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I didn’t intend to only consume 7 points worth of food. There really wasn’t anything else to eat down there. What you see: lettuce, ranch, radishes, pepperoncini, red peppers and chicken. It was delicious, but I wound up having to eat a Clif bar this afternoon because I was rearranging clothes on the sales floor and started getting light headed.

I plan to have a yummy dinner, and tomorrow I intend to take myself out for breakfast.

It’s about time to head home and make some food. I hope your Wednesday is going well.

This Will Probably Be Quite Ramble-filled and Scattered

Today is the last day I have to come in early.

That is such a glorious thing that I’m going to say it one more time.

TODAY IS THE LAST DAY I HAVE TO COME IN EARLY!

Brief overview for anyone who hasn’t been following along: I work at the bookstore for a small-ish community college in Iowa. I wear a lot of different hats at work, but for the sake of brevity we’ll just say that I order and design all logo’d merchandise, oversee store operations and marketing and do all of the online stuff. I just survived my 7th fall rush and MAN that was busy.

During the few weeks a year when we’re working 11+ hours per day with no time for a lunch break, my boss orders in food for lunch and when you have five minutes, you shove that food into your face hole and you feel very appreciative. So, needless to say, I didn’t track my food very well during this time. I did try and remain aware of what I was eating, though. I tried my hardest to remain present. Yes, I’m a hippie. Kind of.

Continue reading “This Will Probably Be Quite Ramble-filled and Scattered”