And Here. We. Go. Again!

A lot of things have happened in the past week that got me to this point.

That was hoaky. Everything that happens gets you to the next point, right?

What I’m saying is that this is a very special moment in history. I have a weight-loss cycle. It’s something I could set my clock by. And I’ve broken this cycle for the first time EVER. So let’s just rehash what has been happening in my life to get me here.

Normally, I get all gung-ho about losing weight. I change my eating habits and I lose weight and all is great. And then something happens in my life that causes me to break my stride and I fall off the wagon and I muddle around in the mud until I’ve gained everything back. I lose all desire to better myself. I downright wallow in how horrible I am for having come so far and then failing again.

So…that’s where I’ve been. Wallowing in the mud.

But a few things have happened that have pulled me out of that gunk and placed me squarely back on solid ground. Continue reading “And Here. We. Go. Again!”

Weigh-In Wednesday – Getting It Done and Moving Forward

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Began 5.30.15
Start weight: 305
Goal weight: 175

Last week: 273.8
This week: 276.4
Difference: +2.6 lbs.

Total loss: -28.6 lbs.
Amount to goal: 101.4 lbs.

Overview: I totally deserved this gain. I didn’t log all of my food. I was voraciously hungry after being sick for a week. I didn’t go completely crazy, but I didn’t do what I should have done. I have been barely holding on to the lifeline of Weight Watchers for the past bit, but I really feel like I have found my focus again. I spent a good deal of time on Pinterest yesterday, looking at new recipes and before and after pictures. I know it sounds funny, but I feel like the switch has flipped up again and I’m ON. I am ready to take on the world again.

And to prove it, I wore a dress to work today that I haven’t been able to wear in YEARS. I wanted to remind myself of how far I’ve come and what a good job I’ve done.

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Do you see that?? My boobs stick out further than my stomach! That’s something to celebrate! And the sweater I’m wearing was one I didn’t wear often because the sleeves were so tight on my arms and it really just didn’t fit right. And now it’s perfect! I could even button it if I wanted to!

So…while I’ve slipped a little, it’s nothing compared to the leaps ahead I’ve made from where I used to be. Every day that I don’t give up is a victory. Every day that I make some sort of forward movement is something to cheer about.

Also, I just got an email listing four 5-week exercise classes being offered for free! Each class is once a week for an hour, which I think is perfect for someone just starting out. I’ve decided to pick two. Here are my options:

  • TurboKick
  • Yoga
  • Insanity – which doesn’t sound as bad as I thought it would. It’s all about going at your own pace while pushing yourself.
  • Vinyasa Flow

I’m so excited!

Weigh-In Wednesday – Facing the Truth

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Fact: I haven’t posted a weigh-in since two weeks ago, but I DID weigh in.

Fact: It hasn’t been pretty for the past two weeks.

Fact: Having written out those goals the other day REALLY helped.

Fact: I am so greatly and outrageously and immensely looking forward to a random mid-week day off tomorrow!

I’m going to get the stupid weigh-in over with. Because next week, it won’t matter.

Began 5.30.15
Start weight: 305
Goal weight: 175

Two weeks ago: 271.4
This week: 275.4
Difference: +4 lbs.
Total loss: -29.6 lbs.
Amount to goal: 100.4 lbs.

So basically, my whole last month was a wash. I lost 2 pounds, lost two pounds, gained two pounds and gained two pounds. That’s frustrating.

But I really REALLY need to understand that I did not get into this position overnight, and it’s not going to get fixed overnight. I did not learn these bad habits, and my anxiety disorder didn’t manifest overnight. My stress levels didn’t just go from zero to 5 million overnight.

In fact, I’m 40 years old, and I think the last time I was even remotely near a normal weight was when I was a freshman in high school. I weighed 180 pounds. It was about that time my mother put me on the Weight Watchers plan the first time. I don’t remember why it didn’t work. I do remember going to the meetings and feeling so amazing. I remember being approached by the team leader and learning that they would love me to be a team leader when I reached my goal weight. I do not remember this time of my life lasting very long. I cannot recall counting a single point. I don’t know why I stopped the plan, or why it didn’t work for me. I can imagine that what happened was that I started feeling good about myself, and my mother likely didn’t like that idea. There was probably some money emergency that came up that kept me from going. The excuses could have been anything. I wish I knew why I stopped going.

The next time I used Weight Watchers was on my own in 2000. I had a website somewhere that listed the points values for things, and I kept track of it all myself. I wound up getting down to 260 pounds by 2003. Then I met my now-husband and gained weight again. Then I got back on Weight Watchers in 2009 and I was losing quite a bit of weight. That was also the year my mother and I stopped speaking, and by the time I got pregnant with my daughter in 2010, I was back off the plan and the weight crept back up.

I would call myself a yo-yo dieter, but I never really get down low enough in weight to be the low yo part. I just go down a bit and then right back up.

The cycle is now broken. I refuse to give up.

Every day that I stay on plan is another day closer to when I will be at a healthy weight. I WILL know what that feels like. It WILL happen.

God, I want it to happen.

So…moving forward. That’s what I do.

Today’s lunch was rather simple because I had the “nothing fried” rule to follow. So I wound up eating a huge salad and some fresh fruit. It was 7 points for the meal.

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I didn’t intend to only consume 7 points worth of food. There really wasn’t anything else to eat down there. What you see: lettuce, ranch, radishes, pepperoncini, red peppers and chicken. It was delicious, but I wound up having to eat a Clif bar this afternoon because I was rearranging clothes on the sales floor and started getting light headed.

I plan to have a yummy dinner, and tomorrow I intend to take myself out for breakfast.

It’s about time to head home and make some food. I hope your Wednesday is going well.

Weigh-In Wednesday

wednesday

Began 5.30.15
Start weight: 305
Goal weight: 175

Last week: 281.6
This week: 278
Difference: -3.6 lbs.
Total loss: -27 lbs.
Amount to goal: 103 lbs.

I’m so proud of myself this week! I stayed on plan the whole week, even with a date night thrown in, and I drank all of my water the majority of the days. I started my 30 day workout challenges yesterday and I turned down mac & cheese.

I am SO MOTIVATED to lose 3-4 pounds in the next week so I can both get my next weight-loss bead AND so I can be under 100 pounds to my goal.

I plan to post again tonight after I complete day two of my challenges, so I’ll write more then. Right now, I’m just GIDDY!

Weigh-In Wednesday – Let’s Regroup, Shall We?

I wanted to skip today. I wanted to just stay in bed and avoid the scale and the world and hide under my blanket until Thursday morning, because Wednesday is weigh-in day, and I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty.

Here’s the thing. I have an anxiety disorder. I know that people throw that phrase around a lot these days, but I actually have one. I get debilitating anxiety attacks that turn my arms into icicles and my legs into rigid sticks. I get overwhelmed by the strangest things, and I have a really hard time voicing when I struggle with my anxiety. I tend to keep it down deep inside until something sends me over the edge, and then I have an anxiety meltdown.

Continue reading “Weigh-In Wednesday – Let’s Regroup, Shall We?”

This Will Probably Be Quite Ramble-filled and Scattered

Today is the last day I have to come in early.

That is such a glorious thing that I’m going to say it one more time.

TODAY IS THE LAST DAY I HAVE TO COME IN EARLY!

Brief overview for anyone who hasn’t been following along: I work at the bookstore for a small-ish community college in Iowa. I wear a lot of different hats at work, but for the sake of brevity we’ll just say that I order and design all logo’d merchandise, oversee store operations and marketing and do all of the online stuff. I just survived my 7th fall rush and MAN that was busy.

During the few weeks a year when we’re working 11+ hours per day with no time for a lunch break, my boss orders in food for lunch and when you have five minutes, you shove that food into your face hole and you feel very appreciative. So, needless to say, I didn’t track my food very well during this time. I did try and remain aware of what I was eating, though. I tried my hardest to remain present. Yes, I’m a hippie. Kind of.

Continue reading “This Will Probably Be Quite Ramble-filled and Scattered”

Motivation: Achieved

Today, it was chilly enough that I needed a jacket. So I grabbed my black fleece with the awesome lapel pocket and went on my way. Last year, it was too tight around my middle for me to properly zip it up. It I wanted it zipped, it sat strangely and tightly around my waist, rather than over my hips like it’s supposed to. The rest of the jacket is large and the sleeves are blissfully long…it was just my damn hips that were a problem.

This morning? It zipped right up like a champ.

I’ve been bemoaning the fact that I haven’t been able to tell a change in how my clothes have been fitting. I know that in MY grand scheme of things, 20 pounds isn’t really a whole lot, but dammit! I wanted something to feel loose.

And, just when I really needed it, I got it!

YAY!

Quick Update

The past two weeks have been CRAZY busy at work, but I made it through, thankfully. And because of this blog, I feel ready to get back to business. I haven’t properly tracked my food in all that time, but I did manage to lose a pound. I wish I could explain to you what it’s like to work rush at a college store. But I can’t.

The biggest thing that’s happened is pushing me to see the doctor ASAP. The day before we got really busy, I was getting out of my car and POW, my knee popped out of joint. I managed to pop it back in without passing out and I went back to work. I got a knee brace because I knew I wouldn’t be able to see a doctor for a while because I wouldn’t even get a lunch break for a while.

Yesterday was my first really day off since rush began, and my knee has now popped out of joint three more times, once while I had my brace on!

So, I’ve sent a message to my doctor to see if he’s the guy I need to visit, or if I should go elsewhere. I can’t live like this. Especially when the weather is finally going to be nice enough that I can start walking in the evenings.

Send some positive vibes this way if you spare a few. I’ve survived worse. But I could really live without that feeling ever happening again.