Weigh-In Wednesday – Facing the Truth

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Fact: I haven’t posted a weigh-in since two weeks ago, but I DID weigh in.

Fact: It hasn’t been pretty for the past two weeks.

Fact: Having written out those goals the other day REALLY helped.

Fact: I am so greatly and outrageously and immensely looking forward to a random mid-week day off tomorrow!

I’m going to get the stupid weigh-in over with. Because next week, it won’t matter.

Began 5.30.15
Start weight: 305
Goal weight: 175

Two weeks ago: 271.4
This week: 275.4
Difference: +4 lbs.
Total loss: -29.6 lbs.
Amount to goal: 100.4 lbs.

So basically, my whole last month was a wash. I lost 2 pounds, lost two pounds, gained two pounds and gained two pounds. That’s frustrating.

But I really REALLY need to understand that I did not get into this position overnight, and it’s not going to get fixed overnight. I did not learn these bad habits, and my anxiety disorder didn’t manifest overnight. My stress levels didn’t just go from zero to 5 million overnight.

In fact, I’m 40 years old, and I think the last time I was even remotely near a normal weight was when I was a freshman in high school. I weighed 180 pounds. It was about that time my mother put me on the Weight Watchers plan the first time. I don’t remember why it didn’t work. I do remember going to the meetings and feeling so amazing. I remember being approached by the team leader and learning that they would love me to be a team leader when I reached my goal weight. I do not remember this time of my life lasting very long. I cannot recall counting a single point. I don’t know why I stopped the plan, or why it didn’t work for me. I can imagine that what happened was that I started feeling good about myself, and my mother likely didn’t like that idea. There was probably some money emergency that came up that kept me from going. The excuses could have been anything. I wish I knew why I stopped going.

The next time I used Weight Watchers was on my own in 2000. I had a website somewhere that listed the points values for things, and I kept track of it all myself. I wound up getting down to 260 pounds by 2003. Then I met my now-husband and gained weight again. Then I got back on Weight Watchers in 2009 and I was losing quite a bit of weight. That was also the year my mother and I stopped speaking, and by the time I got pregnant with my daughter in 2010, I was back off the plan and the weight crept back up.

I would call myself a yo-yo dieter, but I never really get down low enough in weight to be the low yo part. I just go down a bit and then right back up.

The cycle is now broken. I refuse to give up.

Every day that I stay on plan is another day closer to when I will be at a healthy weight. I WILL know what that feels like. It WILL happen.

God, I want it to happen.

So…moving forward. That’s what I do.

Today’s lunch was rather simple because I had the “nothing fried” rule to follow. So I wound up eating a huge salad and some fresh fruit. It was 7 points for the meal.

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I didn’t intend to only consume 7 points worth of food. There really wasn’t anything else to eat down there. What you see: lettuce, ranch, radishes, pepperoncini, red peppers and chicken. It was delicious, but I wound up having to eat a Clif bar this afternoon because I was rearranging clothes on the sales floor and started getting light headed.

I plan to have a yummy dinner, and tomorrow I intend to take myself out for breakfast.

It’s about time to head home and make some food. I hope your Wednesday is going well.

Motivation Friday and Day Four COMPLETED

First, let’s get this out of the way.  I have completed day four of my 30 Day Challenges that can be found at my As Pounds Go Bye Pinterest Board. It’s definitely getting more difficult even though it’s really only increasing by one on each movement each day. My arms, they are a’burnin’. Yay!

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Now…on to my Motivation Friday post!

Today, I’m going to talk about a website I found a while ago called ModelMyDiet.com and just revisited it. You put in your stats like height and body shape and bust size, then you put in your current weight and your goal weight, and it will show you what the difference will look like. I took it a step further and put in my start weight, then my current weight and my goal weight. Like so: Continue reading “Motivation Friday and Day Four COMPLETED”

30 Day Challenge: Day 2 – Also, Red Lipstick

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Day two of the 30 day challenge is DONE! Go me!

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And now I’m going to spend a little bit of time talking about some changes I’m implementing in my life. As I’ve said in past posts, I’ve started wearing lipstick more often. And, in fact, I have now started wearing RED lipstick more often. I really want to be the kind of woman who can pull off red lips. I already have bright orange red hair, and I’ve been told more than once that my wardrobe is not normal. I embrace this about me. In fact, I noticed that the way I dress has become kind of lax, so I’ve been making more of an effort to look put together. I cannot WAIT until scarf season is once again upon us. And now that I have my boots, I feel quite sophisticated. I’ve become truly inspired to make sure that every day, I look like I’ve put effort into how I look. I am growing out my hair, and I’ve started curling it so that it doesn’t just lay there limply.

So, wearing red lipstick will just take this a couple steps further. There’s something about wearing red lipstick that puts forth an energy of confidence. And there’s no way I can skip make-up if I know I’m going to be sliding on some red lips, you know?

I love the direction my life is heading. I often struggle with anxiety and depression, but when I wear the red lipstick, I find myself smiling more often. I interact with people more. I don’t try and hide. And I like that.

What I’d really like is to find that deeeeeeeeep red matte shade that was worn by almost every woman everywhere in the 50’s. If you know of a good one, let me know.

And yes, day two of the challenge was also completed with the red lips.

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Weigh-In Wednesday – Let’s Regroup, Shall We?

I wanted to skip today. I wanted to just stay in bed and avoid the scale and the world and hide under my blanket until Thursday morning, because Wednesday is weigh-in day, and I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty.

Here’s the thing. I have an anxiety disorder. I know that people throw that phrase around a lot these days, but I actually have one. I get debilitating anxiety attacks that turn my arms into icicles and my legs into rigid sticks. I get overwhelmed by the strangest things, and I have a really hard time voicing when I struggle with my anxiety. I tend to keep it down deep inside until something sends me over the edge, and then I have an anxiety meltdown.

Continue reading “Weigh-In Wednesday – Let’s Regroup, Shall We?”

Just Because You Can Doesn’t Mean You Should

Yesterday was quite a day. My car broke down and my husband brought the kids with him to pick me up. What was supposed to be a solitary trip to Goodwill turned into a family affair. Which just about doubled what I would have originally spent.

My father-in-law had surgery also, to put a stint in his neck so he won’t have another stroke. He’s doing well, but he’s in the ICU. We spent the evening visiting him, and the hospital is about 45 minutes away from my home. So we got home late.

And we ate dinner at Taco Bell. Or should I just call it like it is:

taco_bellJust because I have the points available to eat nachos at TB does NOT mean I should. I haven’t had fast food in almost a month. That’s not very long, but it was obviously long enough that my system wanted to reject that crap. I was MISERABLE. Ugh. No more.

This experience has also caused more worry about next week. We are going on a week-long trip to the Niagara Falls region of Canada to see my oldest son graduate. That’s one week away from my routines and the safety of my kitchen. One week of unknowns and chaos and all that FOOD.

I am strong. I can do this. I will have a week-long experiment to pretend I’m a normal person without food issues. I’ll portray the woman in the movie who is confident and has never had a weight problem. I’ll stop eating when I’m full, and I won’t eat unless I’m hungry. I will scoff at the idea of eating junk food. And I will count my points like it’s a lifesaver.

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Weigh-In Wednesday and Coffee Grits

Today is another weigh-in day! And I am SO EXCITED! I am so close to my first goal!

A brief overview: When I first started Weight Watchers, my goal weight felt SO far away. I wanted to figure out a way to break it down into smaller, more attainable goals. So I came up with the idea of a weight loss bracelet. Yes, I later found the idea was already all over Pinterest, but this one’s all mine. For every 10 pounds I lose, I get a bead of some sort. I purchased my bracelet:

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It’s a black leather bracelet that wraps around my wrist three times (the fourth black band is a very old plastic bracelet my kids gave me that used to say “punk” on it). I have the first bead I’m going to put on it, and I’ve decided that I’m going to make a special trip to the store to buy a bead every time I earn one so it’s all special and stuff.

Okay…so weigh-in day.  Here are my stats, per the Weight Watchers app:

image2I’m down NINE FREAKING POUNDS since I started 19 days ago! Go me!

However, last night was a rough night for me. We are going on a week-long trip to Canada next Tuesday to watch my oldest son graduate from high school. My anxiety is in high gear over a few details, so I wasn’t able to sleep well. Also, my ankle, which had been doing SO much better, decided that last night would be a good time to get a deep ache. Needless to say, I didn’t get much sleep. I think I drifted off at around 2:30 a.m. My alarm goes off at 6:15 a.m. Yeah…

Because of that, something happened that I KNEW was going to eventually happen. The hot water spigot at work is right next to the coffee spigot. And every day, I use the hot water to make my grits. But today, in my sleep-deprived lunacy, I started with a bit of coffee instead.

gritsGrits should not be this color. And I think that it might have tasted better had I used Splenda instead of my usual salt. Bleh. I better not do that again.

I WANT MY BEAD!