I really needed to hear this. It is so very true for me:
A lot of things have happened in the past week that got me to this point.
That was hoaky. Everything that happens gets you to the next point, right?
What I’m saying is that this is a very special moment in history. I have a weight-loss cycle. It’s something I could set my clock by. And I’ve broken this cycle for the first time EVER. So let’s just rehash what has been happening in my life to get me here.
Normally, I get all gung-ho about losing weight. I change my eating habits and I lose weight and all is great. And then something happens in my life that causes me to break my stride and I fall off the wagon and I muddle around in the mud until I’ve gained everything back. I lose all desire to better myself. I downright wallow in how horrible I am for having come so far and then failing again.
So…that’s where I’ve been. Wallowing in the mud.
But a few things have happened that have pulled me out of that gunk and placed me squarely back on solid ground. Continue reading “And Here. We. Go. Again!”
Hello, my lovelies! The rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. Instead, I have been outrageously busy with life, then I managed to have three days after Thanksgiving wherein nothing was expected of me, so I kind of hid from the world and hung out with my kids.
There has been SO MUCH going on! Work is crazy, life outside of that is NUTS, and I have made drastic changes as to how I log my food.
One thing at a time.
At work, we are preparing for the next semester. Working in a college store at this time of year is quite hectic. Personally, we cleaned the house and prepped for hosting Thanksgiving dinner. It was divine! I made all of this:
Well, I made most of it. From top left to bottom right:
- My seven year old’s FAMOUS Oreo Cookie Fluff
- Canned, jellied, cheaply GLORIOUS cranberry sauce (it’s tradition…I eat it once a year)
- My sister-in-law’s pineapple upside-down cake
- My Jiffy Corn Casserole
- Stove Top cornbread stuffing (another tradition)
- My mashed potatoes made with cream cheese and vegetable stock
- My green bean casserole (my niece lives for this)
- And my turkey. All 18 pounds of it
Most years, I go over the top and come up with all kinds of new recipes tossed in with old favorites, but this year we decided to keep it simple. And yes, while I am a “foodie” and cook all kinds of crazy recipes all the time, there are two things I will never make and never change. We HAVE to have canned, jellied cranberry sauce, and the stuffing HAS to be Stove Top cornbread. Even if I become a millionaire someday, these two things will always be on my Thanksgiving table.
Just before the holiday, I made a huge change in the way I log my food. The more I thought about it, the more upset I got that I was spending $20 per month on my Weight Watchers account, but less than half of the foods I would scan were in their database; and I was spending more and more time putting things in via the calculator. And then they changed things up so that recipes I created on my phone app didn’t show on their website. I was not losing any weight…just gaining and losing the same little bit. I was not happy with how things were going. I also realized that this program really wasn’t teaching me how to eat like a normal person without food issues, which is my ultimate goal. It was teaching me to be dependent on their program.
So, I went in search of something that could be a better fit. I knew that I didn’t want to use MyFitnessPal. I had used it in the past and I cannot explain to you why, per-say, I dislike it, but I do. I spent a bit of time looking around, and I found it. I found the program I am going to be following.
Lose It! is where it’s at, people. I. Love. This. Program.
The website is amazing, the app does everything I want it to, and they have a WordPress blog! Also, you get a full year of premium goodies for just $40. Score!
I was so excited about this find, I Tweeted about it, and I got a few responses:
So then this happened:
Oh, and there’s that. It’s so ORANGE! It makes me deliriously happy every time I open it. I was officially in love, so I bit the bullet:
I really enjoy this program. You can link it to other apps:
(I love that I can link it to my Walgreens account.)
The interface is very user-friendly:
Okay, enough with the gushing. In the first week of using it, I lost two pounds! And I feel this huge stress ball has been lifted from my shoulders. I feel like I am now free to chose healthy options (better than what I ate on that first day) and it breaks down what I’ve eaten and what all was in it. I am learning about food. There are tons of articles that pertain to me. There are charts out the wazoo, and I love that! Also, when I scan something, it has always been in the database. In fact, I am blown away by the extensive database they have!
OH! And when you upgrade to premium, you get to set personal goals beyond how many calories you consume and how much weight you want to lose. I can now use the app to set a goal of how much of my diet I want to consist of carbs and fat, and I can log my water. It’s fantastic!
I promise…this is not a commercial. They aren’t paying me anything to write about it. That would be a horrible misuse of their marketing budget.
So, out with the #weightwatchers and in with the #loseit
Happy Thanksgiving, all!
My weigh-in day, as you know if you follow my blog, is Wednesday. I am fully prepared for a gain this week, which does not mean that I have given myself permission to go crazy until Wednesday. I am back on plan and intend to stay that way. I have a few small changes I intend to stick to for the next week to get my brain back where it needs to be.
I think one thing I am struggling with is lunch. It used to be easy, because if I went to the cafeteria and only got a salad, it was $3.25. They changed that a few months back and now, no matter if you get the whole buffet or just the salad bar, it’s $5.25. So my messed up brain wiring started creeping in with thoughts that if I was going to pay that much, I needed to take more food. So not right.
What I really need to do is get my shit together and bring my lunch. It’s pure laziness that keeps me from doing that. So I plan to head to Pinterest and find some fun things to make. I’m also going to start Instagramming all of my meals. There’s a link to my Instagram page on the right-hand side of my blog if you’d like to follow along!
So, here are my goals for the next week, through next Wednesday:
- Log every morsel I put on my face. Before I eat it. Another purely lazy habit.
- Drink more water. I was really good about this, then I slacked. My skin reminds me daily that it misses hydration.
- No snacking (unless it’s fruit or veg) and nothing fried. At this point, it should be a no-brainer. Again with my mantra of, “Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.”
- Blog every other day.
- Think one nice thought about myself every day. I am so very good at self-depreciation, and I need to knock that shit off.
I continue to be very stressed at work. And at home. And on the drive to and from those locations. By next week, I intend to add in exercise and meditation.
Okay. They say you’re more apt to stick to goals that have been written down. Consider it done.
The last three weeks have been a blur. Life has been beating me down, and I’ve been giving in to it. Today, I was smacked with the realization that I am subconsciously self-sabotaging!
How dare you, self!
Seriously! I have worked so hard to lose the 30-some pounds that I have lost. Why the fuck would I throw that away because life is a struggle?
Did it make me feel good when I over-ate last night? No! I went to bed feeling miserable.
Did I feel some sort of victory when I opened that bag of mixed nuts and ate it without figuring out what a portion size was? No!
Was that little bag of peanut M&M’s worth the questioning looks from co-workers who know I’m on Weight Watchers, but are afraid to call me out on my mistakes? No!
Do you know what is worth it?
- When someone I haven’t seen in a while tells me my pants are way too big on me and I need to think about getting new ones.
- When my fall jacket zips OVER my hips!
- Every single fucking time I zip up my tall boots.
- Not having to douse myself in moisturizer because my skin isn’t parched from dehydration.
- Having little-to-no problems with lactose-based products.
- Not having heartburn daily anymore.
- Putting on my matte red lipstick and getting noticed instead of hiding from the world.
- Knowing that I could eat whatever that person just asked if I wanted, but deciding that it’s just not worth the points it would use up.
- Not having my knee pop out of socket anymore.
- Rethinking my winter wardrobe because all of the shirts are too baggy.
- Craving water instead of soda.
- Searching Pinterest for new, healthy recipes to try.
- Blogging! For fuck’s sake, I just need to keep blogging. I have shit to work through, and holding that inside my head isn’t going to make it go away.
Bedtime is now. Tomorrow is a new day. And I’m ready to tackle it.
I have had one helluva weekend, and I must be truthful and say that food was not my #1 priority. Thankfully, it has become second nature to eat healthy. I don’t think I’ve fallen far from the wagon, and I fully intend to hop right back on.
Saturday, I was heading in to work, driving my father-in-law’s pickup because I thought it would be easier to load with things to haul to the football game I was selling merchandise at for the college store for which I work. About three miles from home, I was going 55 mph down the highway and the left front tire flew off. Yes. The tire. Without thinking, I pulled over to the side of the road somehow while I watched the tire bullet down the opposite side of the road while two cars went by, then it crossed the road and kept going another 1/4 mile before coming to a rest in a cornfield.
No one who lived nearby was home, so I started walking. My mother-in-law picked me up after I had a mile and a half hike down the highway. That’s when it hit me that the truck really should have flipped and I should have been badly hurt.
I got to work 30 minutes late, then worked the windiest football game in history. The tent blew over. The clothes blew off the tables. The sun beat down on us and I wound up with a sunburn in October.
I was really glad to go to bed that night. Still no idea how I made it that far in the day.
Today was my father’s birthday party, and we had a great time. I saw relatives I don’t get to see often enough. I felt pretty.
Here’s my outfit:
When we finally got home, I found a photo from the party on Facebook. I have cropped out the other people.
And then the downward spiral began. I’ve lost 30 pounds. I have worked so hard to lost that weight. No one mentions that they can tell I’ve lost weight, and this picture shows me why. I don’t look like I’ve lost weight.
Yes, I still have 97 pounds to lose. I know that. Realistically, I know that my battle has just begun.
But dammit, I just want to look normal. I want to stop crying every time I see a picture of myself not taken by me.
To try and turn this weekend around, I’m going to list some of the things I’ve done right:
- I went to a pizza party and ate one small slice of cheeseless pizza, as well as a strawberry/chicken/pecan salad that was heavenly.
- I ate ice cream last night from a single-serving container. And it fit into my daily points. It was also heavenly.
- I got in a mile and a half walk!
- I did not buy all of the dark chocolate in the store on Saturday night while grocery shopping.
- I made teriyaki chicken breasts on Saturday night instead of eating the hindquarters the rest of the family ate.
- I dyed my hair tonight. Next to plucking my eyebrows, little else makes me feel better about myself.
Okay. I think that’s good. I’m feeling better.
I think what really upsets me about that Facebook picture is that when I look at it, I see my mother. Nothing on earth terrifies me more than being like her. I want to lose weight so I don’t look like her. I want it so much that it’s almost all-consuming. So when I have worked this hard and have lost weight and still look like her, it’s a crushing blow.
But instead of letting it fester inside my brain, I have written it down so I can let it go and move forward.
Tomorrow is another day. Another day forward, further away from the old me. One day closer to my goal.
I refuse to give up.
Let me start this post by saying that I’m sorry for having abandoned my blog for the past two weeks. Right before my last post, I lost my refill of my anti-anxiety medication, and I wound up going one week without it before it FINALLY was found. I will sum up the past two weeks as just saying that it wasn’t good. It was really not good. I stopped my 30 day challenges. I slowly fell apart until I was able to get back on my medication and piece myself back together.
I am happy to say that in that time, I did not waiver from my Weight Watchers plan. I kind of held on to it like a lifeline.
I feel a lot better now. And I will be back to blogging regularly. I really don’t know how else to express what I was going through.
I must also give many thanks to my sister, K, and my best friend, T, who never stopped checking in with me and gently (T) or not so gently (K) pushing me to return to my blog. In fact, when I got home yesterday, there was a package waiting for me – my sister sent me an aerobic step! I hear there may be more things coming. I can’t wait!
So…without further adieu…my weigh-in:
Start weight: 305
Goal weight: 175
Two weeks ago: 279
This week: 271.4
Difference: -7.6 lbs.
Total loss: -33.6 lbs.
Amount to goal: 96.4 lbs.
I will update more about the things that have happened in the past two weeks in another post. I want to keep that one very positive, so I’m not going to attach it to this one. It’s going to be all about motivation and where we get it and if it matters.
Talk to you soon!
Today is the first day in my new blog series that will happen every Tuesday. That’s a good day to do it since it’s called “Two Cents Tuesday”! Oh, I’m so funny, right? Do you have a topic or question you’d like me to research? Want to know what bounces around in my noggin? You can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’d be happy to help!
I decided to do this because I have found that the best way to help myself is to help others. This blog has kept me more motivated than I can tell you in words. But I’ll keep trying to explain it because otherwise, why keep blogging?
Anyway, I work best at helping myself when I’m helping others. I love learning about new things so I can spread the knowledge around. I especially love cooking when I know I’ll be able to share my recipes with other people. One of my friends has recently found herself on a new path in life, and she’s decided she wants to learn to cook a wider variety of foods, so I created a board just for her on my Pinterest page so we can experiment together!
As I was explaining this facet of myself to my absolute best friend in the whole wide world, she came up with the idea for Two Cents Tuesdays. Because she did, she gets to ask the first question:
“I am near-critically dehydrated at all times, and I resist changing that pattern because frankly, I hate peeing. And sweating. And salivating. How can I get the benefits of hydration without the inconvenience?”
First, let’s get this out of the way. I have completed day four of my 30 Day Challenges that can be found at my As Pounds Go Bye Pinterest Board. It’s definitely getting more difficult even though it’s really only increasing by one on each movement each day. My arms, they are a’burnin’. Yay!
Now…on to my Motivation Friday post!
Today, I’m going to talk about a website I found a while ago called ModelMyDiet.com and just revisited it. You put in your stats like height and body shape and bust size, then you put in your current weight and your goal weight, and it will show you what the difference will look like. I took it a step further and put in my start weight, then my current weight and my goal weight. Like so: Continue reading “Motivation Friday and Day Four COMPLETED”
I just completed day three of my 30 Day Ab & Arm Challenge (details can be found on my As Pounds Go Bye Pinterest Board), and tonight, it kind of kicked my ass. I could now feel the muscles that were being worked and could tell that they’ve been used recently. It felt good to get through it. Especially good because my day pretty much sucked.
On my drive home, my car died. Of course, I had just gone to the grocery store and it was around 90 degrees outside. I sat there for about 30 minutes until my husband could come rescue me. It had overheated, and it was getting late, and I still had to make dinner, so we decided to just come back and get it later. Ugh.
I did manage to make an INCREDIBLE dinner. I found inspiration on Pinterest (Pinsperation?) on how to change up my tacos. I made regular old tacos for the family, but for me, I used shredded chicken with black beans and diced tomatoes with green chiles. And then I used lettuce leaves instead of taco shells. These babies were DELICIOUS and only 4 Weight Watchers points each. I had enough points left to have some tortilla chips, too, and I took a bite with each bite of my taco and it tasted a lot like a taco salad. YUM!
After dinner, things went downhill again. While driving out to get my car, my husband’s car’s “Check Engine” light came on and the speedometer stopped working. And it was dark.
Then, the cherry on top turned out to be my knee once again popping out of the socket when I got out of the car.
So YAY! Today is now over. I have completed day three of my challenge and I can now go to bed and restart tomorrow.
Because tomorrow is Motivation Friday, and I have one heckuva blog planned!
Goodnight, my friends. TGTF (Thank Goodness Tomorrow is Friday!)