A lot of things have happened in the past week that got me to this point.
That was hoaky. Everything that happens gets you to the next point, right?
What I’m saying is that this is a very special moment in history. I have a weight-loss cycle. It’s something I could set my clock by. And I’ve broken this cycle for the first time EVER. So let’s just rehash what has been happening in my life to get me here.
Normally, I get all gung-ho about losing weight. I change my eating habits and I lose weight and all is great. And then something happens in my life that causes me to break my stride and I fall off the wagon and I muddle around in the mud until I’ve gained everything back. I lose all desire to better myself. I downright wallow in how horrible I am for having come so far and then failing again.
So…that’s where I’ve been. Wallowing in the mud.
But a few things have happened that have pulled me out of that gunk and placed me squarely back on solid ground.
- My sister refused to give up on me and she DAMN well wouldn’t let me give up on myself. She lives halfway across the country from me, is in the Navy, has a husband on deployment and a beautiful new baby. Yet she still makes sure to talk to me every single day to make sure things are going in the direction they should be going. She’s brash and tells me what I need to hear but no one else says. She’s so completely supportive and motivating and inspiring. I’m glad she never decided I was too much work. I owe her so much just for always being there for me.
- Friday was our health fair at work. I had my blood drawn so I can see how I’m doing. And then we walked around to all of these different tables with some ridiculous businesses, but one turned out to be life-changing. Max Muscle Metro had Josh at their table. He had this scale that looked more like a simulator for cross-country skiing. Like this:
And even though I had to take off my SOCKS in PUBLIC to use this machine, my co-worker pushed me and Josh promised a judgment-free zone. So I did it. More on this in a few.
- I won’t go into this much right now, but I do not have a relationship with my mother. I haven’t spoken to her in years, and she is, in fact, a big reason why I want to lose weight. Someone posted pictures of her on the internet on Friday. I hadn’t seen her in a very long time, and just seeing her face was like a smack upside the head. I needed to get my shit together. Now. I don’t want to get to that point. Ever.
- A while back, I had been pondering detaching from my phone for so much of my everyday life. I looked on Amazon for a paper food journal, reminiscing about how much I used to enjoy writing in a journal with pens and markers. Every journal I found on Amazon only lasted for a certain number of weeks. Then you had to buy another one. Nothing was refillable. Nothing was what I was looking for. So, me being the graphic designer creative type that I am, I just designed my own food journal! I made it to fit a 5.5 x 8.5″ binder. I talked my sister into trying it out and seeing what she thought of it. Today is my first day using it. It makes me giddy happy that I’ve done this for myself.
- Back to Josh and Max Muscle Metro. I have my little printout in the front of my journal, and there it shall stay until I check myself out again sometime. Josh could have very well looked at my weight (I stopped logging food in December and haven’t weighed myself in months, but I have only gained about 8 pounds in that time…and it was my womanly time of the month, and I don’t know if this is stupid, but I’m rather proud of myself for only gaining 8 pounds back…I was so sure it was going to be more!) and gasped and threw on the judgment goggles that everyone always seems to wear. Instead, Saint Josh took my little paper print out and said, “Your muscle mass is impressive!” And at the moment, I realized that I had been holding my breath, just sure that I had gained all of my weight back. Sure that I had failed and he would have disappointment in his eyes. Instead, he said that I have muscle mass and that it’s impressive! He went on to say that because of my muscle mass and height and body build, the machine suggests that I lose 91.5 pounds to be a healthy weight. That would put me about 15 pounds more than my original goal weight. (I’ve now changed my goal weight to 185 instead of 175.) Hearing the words that came out of his mouth, so nonchalantly, made my spirits soar. Seriously. He said that his company offers a free meeting with a nutritionist who could help me figure out what I need to focus on and what I need to avoid. And he had all of these supplements on his table. I asked him about the beautiful white box that screamed, “WEIGHT LOSS,” on the side, but he said that he knew of something better if I wanted to get a supplement. It was cheaper and it’s something you add to your morning water or smoothie. It adds nutrients and some magical thing that ups your metabolism. He gave me a sample. I know that he is a salesman and he’s there to do his job of selling shit, but Josh spoke to me in a way that few people have spoken to me about my weight. It didn’t feel like smarmy bullshit, and I don’t care if that’s his schtick. I appreciated being spoken to in the same way he talked to the lady who runs multiple marathons in a year.
So these five things all just happened to occur in the same week. And instead of wallowing in the crappy mud I talked about before, I put my big girl panties on and got back into the swing of things. I am excited about what’s to come. I don’t feel the pressure. I just want to figure this stuff out, you know?
And I think I might.